With humor, insight, and a surprisingly candid perspective, Paula will increase your understanding, answer your questions, and help you navigate the dangerous cultural waters of sex and gender politics. It gets better. It wasn't until I was a freshman in high school that I found the world to describe the piece that was missing. I flipped the page back over and wrote above my head, above my female head, in a quick scrawl - "I am whoever I want to be.". Unfortunately, no one told fundamentalists and evangelicals that, and through shrewd manipulation, they now hold great political power. After all of the laws and rhetoric of the last few months, its pretty hard to make me laugh about this subject. I had known for most of my life that I was somewhere in the middle, and that I didn't fit with men or women. "I couldn't say anything to anyone," he told The Times. Some books have hardly an unmarked page. Psychologists dont usually mention Jungian analysts. There has been an explosion of bigotry directed at one of the most at-risk populations in our nation. She just casually mentions that she had facial surgery to look more feminine [yeah, it felt weird when she wrote about it without acknowledging how impossible that is . Paula Stone Williams is a Pastoral Counselor and internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy, and religious tolerance. Hate mail comes in waves. When I attached my first estrogen patch my thoughts started making sense to me almost immediately. I live my life proudly beyond the gender binary, and even if you think Im just a man in a dress, you better damn well respect me. Whenever other people are involved, you confirm the facts with them, or when that is not possible, with others who were present. In my current work, I hope to save people from dying. I love the military, I love my military family, and I'll gladly give 30 years if I can do it as the real me. The idea that we would be on a rampage to destroy property is beyond absurd. Grassroots organizers encouraged evangelicals to run for school boards, local governments, and state legislatures. I was 21 and Cathy was 19. The grandchildren adjusted without much difficulty. Between novels I read historical books. I believe that one of the major reasons I was finally able to be honest with myself was knowing that the Austin Police Department would support me. I would hear the word 'father,' or I'd hear the word 'boyfriend,' 'husband,' 'dad,' and I would gravitate towards it. I attempted suicide, was depressed for a long time and tried shutting everyone else out. We ask a lot of the church, and it never quite lives up to the task. Attending our church is a threat to being able to back up your principals harried call to close the school doors because we are headed en masse to destroy every Christian thing in our path. For most of her life, Paula Stone Williams . Imagine having to wake up every morning wishing you were someone else. "I'm here to tell you: The differences are massive.". Even with the loss of my family, you know what, I'm very happy and accepted who I have become. I'm the kind of woman who thinks it's artificial and limiting to reduce our gender complexity to a male/female binary. Within the world of most scripture scholars, this type of biblical interpretation was dismissed more than a century ago. Our moms both had to grieve the loss of a child. Between TEDxMileHigh and TED it has had over six million views. Almost without exception these souls are Christians who have been ostracized from their churches and/or families. It was a lesson that Williams avoided confronting until after December 2013, when the married father of three announced plans to transition to Paula the woman she'd yearned to be since she was 4 years old. I did not realize how many people saw me as a strong, gentle male presence. Gender is only learned environmentally. For 99 percent of them, it is not because they are not happy in their new gender. Yet when I was assigned to my regular unit, the old feelings came back. To be successful as a blind transgender woman, I have to be stronger. As imperfect as the world is today, as hard as it is to be transgender and live an authentic life, it was much worse, not so long ago. Some of the complaints about the ministry come from pastors who started churches with them. The fight against trans rights isnt so much about Republicans as it is about evangelicals. Here is the description of the new talk that my speakers agency will be offering throughout the United States and Canada. In June of 2012, after being prompted to address my unorthodox take on male grooming standards, I became the first openly transgender correctional officer at San Quentin State Prison. Ive been working on the talk for months. I know I probably wont catch lightning in a bottle again, but I think I can come up with a compelling talk. Why you should listen The Reverend Dr. Paula Stone Williams knows the truth will set you free, but only after it upends your carefully constructed narrative. Paula Williams health insurance will end on January 31, and you are required to send us a divorce decree. As Paula, the former conservative leader says he is going public with his story at this time because he wants to save at-risk Christian transgender teenagers. Tom Fitton, president of Judicial Watch, said gender affirming treatment is a demonic assault on the innocence of our children. Demonic? I dont ask them why they havent read it. We just had our first meeting with the speakers, and I cant wait to start working with them. Longmont was represented in Washington, D.C., Thursday as part of the transition to the new Biden administration. Paula has been featured in the New York Times, TEDWomen, TEDSummit, Red Table Talk, TEDxMileHigh, the Denver Post, National Public Radio, ABC, and many other media outlets. I am proud to be trans. We are redefining the expectations and stigma of what it is to be transgender. This is not a choice. "The other option would be to say, 'Oh, transgender people are evil. Now I am not afraid to speak up, be visible, and engage in life. I simply know in my heart and mind Im a woman. While I appreciate what a Laverne Cox is doing, she is also setting the expectation, training society, that hers is the look of trans people. We are people who have a hard time destroying dandelions in our front lawns, because you know, they are dandelions. It is difficult being a woman in this world let alone being born as a man and go through life as a woman. I have gone on record a number of times saying I hope they are able to determine what causes a person to be transgender and change it in the womb. Do they get how self-limiting their lives are? Therapists and close friends have all used the same word to describe our circumstances tragic. It is a view held in opposition to the egalitarian view, which teaches gender equality. Without her you would never have taken the road. If you turn to the page, the quote is underlined or in brackets. I grew up in an environment that statiscally said i would never live past a certain age and if i did, i would be drugged up or with a kid out of wedlock, or dead. Transition is like both heaven and hell embracing each other on top of a roller-coaster. Do they not understand that the cumulative words of our species carry weight and provide invaluable insight about how to live. I probably do not give enough weight to the emotional effect of having the world I inhabited for five decades turn its back on me. I am an individual who can be more or less masculine and more or less feminine as my frame of mind and circumstances allow. Those are the books on which I take notes, copious amounts of notes, starting on the back inside cover and working my way inward. After spending 60 years as a man, Paul came out as transgender to his family and Paula was born . from Winnipeg, Canada Supervisor of the Electrical Department at Home Depot, photographer, musician, writer, and advocate. [1] Williams came out as a transgender woman in December 2012. Even those who have transitioned have higher than average suicidal ideation. Stopping anti-trans laws from being signed into law will solve that problem. TED Conferences, LLC. Transgender and gender nonconforming people invest great effort and undergo physical and emotional suffering to manifest a self that is somehow more authentic or appropriate. The early period after transition was also an awkward period of adjustment, not unlike adolescence, but I made it. People are still reading Homers Odyssey, all the works of William Shakespeare, and even the Apostle Johns stunningly mystical Book of Revelation. Like, this is miserable. I think about the transgender people who now attend or have attended Envision Community Church (formerly Left Hand Church) in Longmont. We need allies and apprentices on deck. I nearly lost everything I valued in life. 'Survivor' Winner Nick Wilson Now a State Lawmaker Addresses Backlash for Controversial 'Anti-Trans' Bill, Zaya Wade Lands First Magazine Cover: Fashion Is a 'Really Important Part of Expressing My Identity', 'Harry Potter' Actress Evanna Lynch Weighs in on J.K. Rowling Backlash: 'Give Her More Grace', Childhood BFFs Fall in Love and Marry After One Comes Out as Transgender: 'I Love His Big Heart,' Says Wife, Dwyane Wade, Gabrielle Union Plea for LGBTQ Rights at NAACP Image Awards: 'Will We Fight for All? How do you prove you are still married when you just celebrated your 50th wedding anniversary 16 days earlier? Everything Ive done with my body, from top surgery to gradual low-dose testosterone to a hysterectomy, was, at some point, a revelation. Being a female to male, I have no male influence. Eventually, she became CEO of the "church-planting" organization. "I am learning a lot about what it means to be a female, and I am learning a lot about my former gender," she says. Plus, receive recommendations and exclusive offers on all of your favorite books and authors from Simon & Schuster. We assumed we would remain together for the rest of our lives. Both of our fathers performed the ceremony. Over 60 percent of evangelicals believe transgender people already have too many civil rights, yet only 25 percent have actually met someone who is out as a transgender person. Its not just childrens rights that are being threatened. It all started in the 1980s with the Moral Majority. The kind of people I have in my life nowadays are astonished that such a thing could have happened. Gender identity, like sexual identity, is on a spectrum, and it is rarely apparent early in life. Allies work from their own perspective to speak up on our behalf. She and others were part of a diverse program that included prayers, readings, blessings and hymns from interfaith leaders and . Language links are at the top of the page across from the title. Back in the late summer I got my second email from Antarctica. I wrestled with it, and threw out three times as much material as appears in the final edit. It affects my decisions about the places I travel. Growing up your always taught to act a certain way and to think a certain way but they never teach you what to do when you don't quite fit into their plan. I have left them fatherless. At .58 percent of the population, we trans folks are definitely a minority. Paula Stone Williams, of Left Hand Church in Longmont, transitioned at age 60. Ive been surprised by some of the people who have read the book. My life does not fit those boxes. I told them theyd be sick of me by the time we get to June 24. I was feeling more comfortable as I was dressing more masculine which seemed to give me a bit more confidence. Figuring out who I am, and living my life with integrity has been the grand challenge of my lifetime. Twenty-five years ago, 70 percent of us identified with a local religious body. Eight years after starting her transition journey, the activist says she is back on solid ground with her ex-wife, grown son and daughters, who had each needed time to adjust to Paula's transition. I always chuckle when I read impassioned commentary about gender presentation. It is a wonderful escape. I'm going to feel comfortable as myself at a formal event for the first time in my life thanks to my teachers. As I began to transition I was told I would never be able to model as a "male", because I was only 5'7 and not a real man. Spending time with us is a threat to maintaining the fantasy that we are anything other than ordinary humans, roughly as healthy or unhealthy as everybody else. I was slowly killing myself within this facade of being this girl I never was. The fact that there was a fix put me at a crossroads: do I chance giving up everything that I have to be me or do I continue living as that guy. I never fit in with anything towards the female stereotype. He answered, I want transition care to be thought of as horrific medical practices that happened in the past. The end game is clear. Rainer Maria Rilke has the right words for what I feel: and walks outdoors, and keeps on walking. I honestly didn't know what was wrong, why I liked women's things but didn't sexually. I tried to fit in, tried to be the girl everyone said I was, and it worked, for a while. Women of Today - 2 Paula Stone Williams @paulaswilliams2 is @TEDTalks Speaker on Gender Equity and #LGBTQ Advocacy, Author of the book, As A Woman! "And suddenly," she says, "to that world, I didn't even exist.". I was solely able to change my state's policy on sex marker designation for people who were pre-operative and trying to get their driver's license updated to match who they were. I can say the hardest thing for me was trying to figure out if I was disappointing God in my life decision. The board members of the town in which I live were all encouraging one another to run for office again next year. Ive heard from women from all seven continents thanking me for validating their experience. Prior to my transition, I was paralyzed by gender anxiety in my private and public interactions. I love that the church is the place that celebrates all of lifes comings and goings. I could not be happier mentally, physically, and socially with the life I live today. I find myself exploring people more fully and more beautifully now that I don't really regard gender or bodies as any sort of label for them. "Pastor who led conservative church planting organisation for 20 years comes out as transgender woman", "Paula Williams: From a megachurch pulpit to the curb in just seven days", "Gathering together: Notes from Session 4 of TEDWomen 2018", "Paula Williams Has Lived Life As A Man And A Woman. Follow Paula Stone Williams on WordPress.com. Growing up in the most densely Mormon area in the world, I never really understood what transgender meant. "We thought we knew what the trajectory of our family was going to be, and we had to re-create it," Paula explains. Another problem is that social pendulums perpetually swing from one extreme to the other. A number of people have discerned I am in the midst of a difficult struggle. I was wrong about Paul's character.' Paula Stone Williams opens up about her new memoir, As a Woman, and her hopes to make amends by spreading lessons of love and compassion, Paula Stone Williams is candid about spending most of her adult life as a prominent male leader in evangelical ministry, which, as she puts it, "teaches the LGBTQ+ population will go to hell unless they give up their sexual identity.". I must respect their grief. 'Was I broken?'. Rarely do we hear stories about people with disabilities declaring their own unique gender identity or sexuality. I have entire new categories of having been dismissed that I did not have when I did my first talk in 2017. I became less anxious. Williams began his work with Orchard Group in 1979 and became the president and chairman of the group in 1989, driven by a "simple statement of faith." To be successful as a blind man, I had to be strong. Neither is losing your entire pension, or having hundreds of friends abandon you because you are no longer useful to them. Previously an evangelical pastor and president of a Christian church planting organization, Williams was. Are we related to something infinite or not? If we are, then more than anything I want my journey to bring sustaining energy into the lives of those I love and beyond. God says so. Paula Stone Williams opens up about her new memoir, As a Woman, and her hopes to make amends by spreading lessons of love and compassion In many respects I led a satisfactory life up till the age of 58, but it was generally emotionally unsatisfying. "This was before Caitlyn Jenner or 'Transparent.' It has been much harder for my children and their spouses, and much harder still for Cathy. As you grow older sometimes a path no longer feels like an option. Sam Banks-Friedman said he didnt read books and that anything that needed to be said could be said in a six-paragraph blog. As pained as I am to lose the boy, it lifts my heart so see her smile from the inside out. That same year, Paula was ordained and her life as a conservative preacher and evangelical-Christian family man was set in stone. 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Transgender people make up only .58 percent of the population. You tell things as you remember them. We must work together to protect the freedom to be who God made us to be. My overall quality of life has significantly improved since I started transitioning. It cost them their daughter," Paula said. We live in an imperfect world in which everyone bears untold burdens. After her transition, she has struggled to come to terms with her voice. Browse the library of TED talks and speakers, 100+ collections of TED Talks, for curious minds, Go deeper into fascinating topics with original video series from TED, Watch, share and create lessons with TED-Ed, Talks from independently organized local events, Inspiration delivered straight to your inbox, Take part in our events: TED, TEDGlobal and more, Find and attend local, independently organized events, Learn from TED speakers who expand on their world-changing ideas, Recommend speakers, TED Prize recipients, Fellows and more, Rules and resources to help you plan a local TEDx event, Bring TED to the non-English speaking world, Join or support innovators from around the globe, TED Conferences, past, present, and future, Details about TED's world-changing initiatives, Updates from TED and highlights from our global community, 4,813,833 views | Paula Stone Williams TEDxMileHigh, Today Paula Stone Williams is a pastoral counselor and woman but for the first 60 years of her life, Williams identified as male. It is my opinion that for the majority of the population there is a predisposition before experience to behavior identified with one gender or the other. Cathy and I were committed to each other, and to the institution of marriage. I guess they dont have much to do there during the Antarctic winter. It says nothing about being transgender. But that was then. By telling my story it is in hopes that this number will go down. The church is also a place in which the total is greater than the sum of the parts. And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not defrauded you. My story is not a story of 'this to that' it is simply one of me affirming the gender I have always been. I know that once Millennials and Gen Z become the majority of the electorate things will change. And I know that it's selfish of me to ask this of you, but please stay here. She said Cathy had to send a letter stating that we are still married, which we accompanied with proof that we are still married. They understand little about the bubble in which evangelical Christians live. The acceptance received while transitioning on the job directly impacted my confidence and helped me find my voice. Why? I was given the usual girl stuff, but I wanted Tonka trucks, I played with the boys in my neighborhoods and did not get along with girls much. At the urging of her father, we had the ceremony at 11:30 pm, and were pronounced husband and wife shortly before midnight. I thought that couldn't happen because I've known these people for centuries. My other reading is of books with spines and covers and words on cream-colored pages. It is an exciting time to be in the trans community. At first I was hesitant to embrace the label "agender" unaltered because of my femme expression, but no other label felt right. When puberty and middle school came, I had to come to terms with the fact that others viewed me as a female. I thought that I was completely alone in what I was feeling, that something was severely wrong with me, and that I needed to be "fixed.". It was also a difficult secret to keep, Jonathan explained. Today, that number is down to 47 percent, a rather precipitous drop. We can see the direct line from complementarian thinking to anti-abortion legislation. It's a battlefield with my body using guerrilla warfare on my mind. It took me several years to finish Ron Chernows Hamilton,seriously, several years. Some days I am male, some days I am female, some days I am neither; some days I am both. By 2036 they will be 62 percent of the electorate. Even though transitioning is not practical (I am married with grown children and grand kids and still work for the Army) I am out and about. Itll always be that way when you live in community with other messy, self-absorbed, avoidant humans. You must surely have understood by then what Ithacas mean. Getting to know us is a threat to maintaining bigotry and hatred toward transgender people. A list of some organizations offering support and information. Nicole likes Pentecost and the first weekend of October, when in the tradition of St. Francis, we bless everyones animals. If that is true, it is not fair to them. I have discovered how it feels to have to accept a life of disappointment. Im at one of those inflexion points in which I know Im on the verge of something, but I have no idea what it is. They always ask the same painful question, 'What do I do now?' My wife is still strong by my side as is my daughter with both being an amazing support. And Ryan had some . I can only imagine how parents with transgender children must feel. Cavafy writes: Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage. Im going to put off thinking about my next talk until after the June 24 event. I have to choose daily whether to hide who I am or be myself in order to protect my safety. Forty-one percent of transgender people will attempt suicide at some point in their lives. And his children say blessings on him as if he were dead. I knew I was somewhere in between genders - genderqueer, non-binary - but I felt invisible and unacknowledged. Over 300 anti-transgender bills are currently pending in over 35 states. Every now and again, I check out their latest news. I don't look at myself in the mirror and fixate on the world I left behind to be myself. [2] While caution is appropriate, parents and medical professionals should make those determinations, not legislatures. Nope, nothing funny there. I am still here. But they cannot see me. I look forward to getting out and about to show the world that I possess something unique and real; and that given a chance, will prove that being Transgender is a gift to be embraced. Theyve grown rapidly, have a huge position in the market, and have managed to get themselves into a fair amount of trouble over the last few years. When people step up and people treat each other like human beings and not some sort of scandal, things can go right and there can be a happy ending. I mean, thatd guarantee the right wing viewers. But not before I slipped into a deep depression that took me years to crawl out of. Then her name was Paul. I went to the folio show for magazine editors back when there were magazines and I worked for one, and the editor of Rolling Stonedelivered a keynote speech. Not many transgender people have the kind of post-transition blessings I enjoy. Before meeting my fianc Drew, almost all of the men attracted to me would insist upon our time together to be kept a secret. Gender roles don't have to dictate our lives. Like George Bailey in Its A Wonderful Life, I protest Hey! Over 50% of Transgender people have had at least one suicide attempt by their 20th birthday. I came to the conclusion that I had prayed for the wrong thingI prayed that God would fix me. One is a novel. After working with 24 speakers last year, I keep thinking more and more about the subject of my next talk. They are upset over Acts 29s lack of transparency over whether or not they still believe in a complementarian view of women. Ive also thought about doing a talk on staying young while growing older. You hope everyone will muster the strength to live authentically, but often its only an aspirational goal, not a reality. We need apprentices, willing to take direction from the trans community, to help us battle the ignorance and prejudice permeating our nation. As I told my parents, isn't it better to have a living daughter than a dead son? I love the idea of being beyond gender, of behaving and dressing without regard for gender roles. Ive been contemplating what my next TED talk should be about. My body is a discordant note in the symphony of my life. First, those seeking to retain waning power have always focused on the most vulnerable people, minorities who are powerless. In looking back at my own life, I know that I wouldn't be here today if I wouldn't have first faced my biggest fears and second explored and listened to what I found behind the curtain. If I do a talk on being transgender, I think Ill throw in a good bit of humor. What I want people to see is a man when they stare in my eyes. I wasn't completely happy but wasn't sure what the void was within myself. In some ways I have realized that I was barely living before. She helps implement the vision of the church as determined by the Elder Board; including preaching regularly, limited provision of pastoral care and supporting the Global Branch. You cant learn everything you need from social media, friends, family, nature, or your lived experience. Or maybe I give up the idea of doing a talk altogether and my granddaughters collectively give one on how theyve been ruined by having a grandparent who is transgender. For more on Paula Stone Williams' journey, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday, or subscribe here. Freedom to live authentically, to support our families and our communitiesand to be loved. Though I guess I shouldnt have been surprised. Please upgrade your browser. "I'd be upstairs crying before church. But everything has. Williams was fired from Orchard Group and from the Christian Standard periodical, where she had worked as the editor. I've faced it all but the strength of just being who you are makes it all manageable.
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